June 12th 2008 --and a picture with our son, Dima, from Mother's Day, this year

A dream from the dark side…

This morning I woke up with a dream of moving through lightning and darkness where God was living. I knew there was scripture from which this truth came. I knew I had to lead a discussion group on this topic, a group for people grieving, lamenting, groping in the dark. I knew I was not prepared, or sufficiently remembered.

I knew I needed to refresh my lapsed memory from what I had learned earlier in a training group. I searched my notes and came up with these snippets from different scriptures on the topic, partly lifted from a friend of mine, Karen de Graff, in the Healing Trauma workshop:

1. Ex 20:18-21 “…and Moses entered into the deep darkness where God was….” Different image of where God is. How can this be? God is the light!

2. Ps 18: 7-12 “…he shrouded himself in darkness and veiled himself in the clouds…” it doesn’t have to be all white and bright for God to be there. Brilliant darkness, paradoxical but true.

When we realize God can inhabit the deep darkness it is possible to not feel so abandoned by Him, possible to not be sorely depressed as we grieve.

3. Mark 9. The Transfiguration. Jesus’ divinity sizzles and pops for a moment on this mountain. Even in depression, grief, or PTSD we can move thru moments of this bright assurance.

a. And then comes the let down. Coming down from the mount, darkness calls us again in the form of a father of the demon possessed son: help me believe; help my unbelief. Obscure darkness and complete faith …. How to stand in the darkness when the lights are off and no one is there? And having done all, stand….

b. In our laments and grief we often don’t understand evil. Yet when sitting with evil in the same room-- there is still a degree of faith and hope possible, both for you and the other, even when one of you is gripped by evil. I know you don’t have hope, but I do for you. Or, I don’t have faith; hold it for me.

4. John 6 . Jesus going off on this wild description of himself as bread of heaven and drinking his blood and eating his flesh and he’s a divine meal. How pagan is that? How weird! Disciples said, this is strange; how can we accept this? Jesus asked if this offended them. They said, YEAaaahhhh. Many turned away and deserted him. Jesus said to his inner circle: You too? And Peter said, where will we go, when you alone have words of eternal life? We’re stuck here. Eat flesh, drink blood? Whatever. Ok. There is nowhere else to go.

And the Holy Spirit who stands there with me in the midst of that. Standing in the night—and having done all, stand.

5. II Chron 32:31—Hezekiah was shrouded in darkness and God’s silence so that he might know all that was within his own heart…. There is a method in the seeming madness of a purposive God. Best advice? Embrace the pain with a fierceness of joy that grows thru and against the pain, knowing that you will bring the Lord himself to you.

Hope from the bright side….

I’m not sure why I had this dream now. Or why. It just is. I tried to dismiss it repeatedly today but it kept sneaking in the back roads of my thoughts. So I came and wrote this stuff. Obedience is often a puzzling thing to the person being taught. Go figure.

Friday the 13th of June 2008... our lucky day :)

Woke up this morning with a thought. Bethyl and I are in the dark about where and when and with whom we are to minister in our future. We just know that God is in the dark with us. I guess it took me a day to get it. God’s pretty sweet that way. Gives me stuff to eat before I know I’m hungry.

We leave today for Moscow and then on after a few hours to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. We’ll get there about 5:30 am tomorrow. All for now. But it was enough.

Moments with Bethyl Joy:

Our time with Him was tenderly tearful this morning. I’m grateful for these couple of days of alone-time-together. On Monday night, Vance and I shared a DVD (with Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio on the incredible design of our universe) with Jim and Sue, which our mutual friends, Gary and Suzanne Stubblefield, shared with us in the north of England in April. The message has reminded me of a song. I chose to sing “How Big is God?” for the talent portion of a a Jr. Miss competition I was part of when I was 17. A long time ago now… or… was it? The words keep returning… “As winter’s chill may cause the tiny seed to fall… to lie asleep ‘till wake by summer’s rain. The heart grown cold will warm and throb with life anew. The Master’s Touch will bring the glow again.--- How big is God? How big and wide His vast domain? To try to tell… these lips can only start. He’s big enough to rule this mighty universe… and small enough to live within my heart.”

Some of the winter chill of my days has been quite cold. Some not. My footing seemed stuck. As Vance has dwelt in the darkness with his dream… his dark has peace-fully collided with my alone. And, it’s made “being where I am” more peace-able. Now how sweet is that? “… lie asleep ‘till waked by summer’s rain.” “The Master’s touch?” – “Oh, yes” she said.

June 10, 2008

Peaceful beginnings of a very cool day…

I’m sitting out on the balcony of our apartment. It’s early. Roosters are crowing, the sun is peeking over the mountains behind me, the ocean is pounding away on the beaches, the air is cool, and the coffee is hot. The bells of the Greek Orthodox Church on the hill are tolling the six bells of the hour.

A local dish that fed us.

Jim and Sue de Vries left last night at midnight to pick up friends at the local Pafros airport and take them home to their house in Kiti. These friends had been at a family event in the UK. Sue’s explanation for why they accepted a sleepless night and a three hour drive was, “well, they’d do the same for us. They couldn’t afford the other options.”
Last night this missionary couple took the professional couple out to dinner. They wanted us to savour the local Greek taverna fare. When we were finished with our two plates, they offered us food off their one plate which they had shared. It was a different dish, tender, local. Just like them.
They spoke of their years in Africa, the Philippines, Costa Rica, and here. We felt like Ruth gleaning in the fields of their cross-cultural experiences, hoping to learn to be as patient and wise as we move around our planet. We hope to be as respectful of clans and families who choose severe loyalty to our more western value of “independence.” We hope to be as enduring to give from our table and home, even in the face of misuse… in other words, living out the motto: It’s more important to be related than to be right. Becoming Christ-like…giving more than we receive, blessing though cursed.
They spoke of wondering why God would plant them in Costa Rica for almost two years of language training when their three girls were little, only to be assigned to the Phillippines. They spent all that time learning Spanish so they could turn around and learn another language? No fruit; all plowing? Jim said it was only recently that it became clear to him while watching his missionary daughter, now an adult, effortlessly speaking Spanish and Portuguese and French, ministering beautifully and fruitfully, in those cultures that he saw that his time had not been wasted. It was for his children, not for him or Sue, that they had been moved to Costa Rica.

Do I want to have rights or relationship?

Their hearts are eager to serve. They don’t seem to look for reciprocity. Wuz up with this selflessness? When I give I want something back. Parity, fairness, rights, justice. I’ve got that part down. Yup, I do. Jesus didn’t. “In the same night that he was betrayed, the Lord took bread and broke it. This is my body, broken for you….” He was interested in obedience, not his rights.

I don’t think I “get” that kind of Offering without expectation of Return On Investment. My ROI radar is always on scan. Perhaps one reason for this little trip was to have the life of Christ embodied up close and personal so I could get it. So my entitled heart could be prepared with the plow of kindness. I speak of wanting to give away my time and money from now till sunset, but those hi sounding words are rooting themselves in actions here and now. Somehow that feels different. God’s mercy is fresh every morning. He’s getting me ready. He’s getting us ready.

New horizons over the oceans…

Later in the day….. We drove about an hour to meet with the personnel director for a middle sized mission agency today—he helps to administer about 800 workers with 150 support staff. They have no psychologists on staff. We talked about possible areas of common interest and left agreeing that we would each pray about the possibilities of working together, working with this agency and others as well, to further Jesus’ interests. The talk felt freeing, good, mutually respectful… indefinite.

Now I am reading a small devotional book, My Daily Meditation. On today’s date John Jowett says, in part, “Mystery is part of our appointed discipline. Uncertainty is to prepare us for a deeper assurance. The spirit of questioning is one of the ordained means of growth….. We need the mysterious, the overwhelming, the floods… If we had no endless seas to face we should never become robust. We should remain weaklings to the end of our days. That’s why God takes us out into the deeps…” Cha-Ching! You rock, John! Right now at sunset, as I sit looking at the same sea as I did at sunrise, it appears to be trackless, endless. Faith doesn’t grow in the house of certainty.

Comfort for the comforters…

Bethyl’s comments on the day…. I’ve woven some of my thoughts into Vance’s writing above. In addition, I would like to say, “thank you for praying for us.” As we drove to our luncheon today my sense of being overwhelmed bubbled to the top. Throughout the trip I would have moments of really missing my brother Jonathan. He’s been gone almost a year. So whether at home or abroad I carry an awareness of him not being in this world anymore.
I do know my heart is being enlarged. Our territory is being enlarged, by God’s hand. But I would appreciate your specific remembering of me as I continue to grow ground under my feet in this process. The Lord reminded me today from Psalm 1 that He watches over the way of the righteous. On June 2nd, in Tiberias, Psalm 25:8 was a help to me: “show me your ways, oh Lord, teach me your paths, guide me in your truths and teach me, for you are my God and Saviour, and my hope is in You all day long.

I’ve also drawn strength for Psalm 32:8—“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” As a counselor I find great comfort knowing that Abba counsels and watches over me. The day has ended peacefully. The sun has gone to bed and the moon is up. We’re enjoying left-over spaghetti on our balcony. Night-night. Shalom.

Getting to know you… getting to know all about you….

The last two days have been completely delightful! We’ve spent a lot of time hanging out with Jim and Sue de Vries. They in turn have introduced us to a number of other missionaries from different agencies, all of whom are collaborating together to fulfill God’s command to GO—not just stay, pay, and pray. Anglicans, YWAM, InterServe—all of those agencies have troops on the ground doing spiritual battle, evangelizing, be-friending, loving and being loved, friendship evangelism, tent-making evangelism, retreat center refreshing, professional massage—all different ways to build trust and be involved with the lives of both Greek Cypriots and the whole load of ex-patriates from many different countries.

Segregation rules!

Interestingly, the Greeks and ex-pats don’t mix much. Missionaries can live here for years and not be able to penetrate the emotional walls surrounding the native Cypriots, so most confine their out-reach to fellow ex-pats or do short mission trips into the surrounding countries. This is not entirely true, but more true than not with the insular Greeks who are cordially polite toward the “born again cult or evangelical lunatic fringe”. All the while these folks are inoculated against true faith by their dilute, perfunctory head nod toward Orthodoxy.

Hot war ices into cold war….

We did cross the border into northern Turkish Cyprus yesterday, crossed a UN no-man’s zone, and had passports checked by Turkish military on the other side of that 100 zone. We walked around the “old city” of Turkish Nikosia where evidence of war was all around. Condemned buildings, mortar shells craters, blasted walls that were crumbling, and signs warning of danger here and there were all common place. One border guard was helpful. He explained some of the history and how such hatred had developed between the Turks and Greeks. It’s not as bad as the hatred between Jew and Arab, but it’s getting up there on the Hate Meter. Bethyl and I were glad when we crossed back over, had our passports stamped again, and re-emerged into Greek Cyprus. The air was not as thick with suspicion, distrust, and wary tolerance of tourists.

Warming each other up....

We experienced a real warmth and kindness in the church meeting Sunday morning. A real collection of charismatics, more stayed Anglicans, and everything inbetweeen. Lots of oldsters and young black students from Africa. Some middle-agers, but not as many. No pastor; just teaching elders who have a go at the pulpit along with passing thru speakers now and again.

Doubting Thomas?

One of the teaching elders gave an interesting message this morning on “doubting Thomas.” A positive spin on old Tommy. The elder asked us to not make complete judgments based on incomplete information. He gave a story about Mavis and Mack. Mavis saw Mack’s car parked in front of a bar for a long time. She spread the word he was a heavy drinker. He ran across her in the grocery and she lectured him on the evils of alcoholism. He said nothing. That night he parked his car in front of her home and walking home, leaving it there for the night. :)
Anyway, back to Demanding Thomas….. Tommy wasn’t with the others when they saw Jesus. His delay in being with the body of brothers and sisters led to denials and doubts that in turn led to demands for proof. Jesus didn’t denounce him. He was kind. He showed him what he had asked for, nothing more or less. Tommy’s doubtful demands developed into determination: “my Lord and my God.”
Jesus was also kind to his cousin, John the Baptist, when he doubted and sent a note from prison to Jesus—“hey, bro, are you the real deal or did I miss the boat?” Jesus sent back a kind message that the lame were walking, the blind were seeing, and the dead were living. Make up your own mind based on the facts. I think of this often when I doubt and demand.
After the service we stood around over coffee and talked with Martin, a YWAM area leader, as well as Maggie and Judy from a local retreat center for worn out Christians. Wonderful words of mutual encouragement and hope. Such is the stuff of doubt deterrancy.

Our doubts dwindling as we move ahead....

One further word on that matter. Bethyl and I have been fretting off and on that we’d miss the boat and not see God’s opening and time and place for us. Like we doubted His sending or our receiving abilities. Jim de Vries mentioned that with our willing hearts and His great compassion this decision would appear to us, together, in concert, to be an unmistakable path in the woods. Not some clever little road less traveled that was covered over with leaves by a teasing will- of- the- wisp god who delights in fooling or tricking us. That was comforting.

Now for a few days of rest in Paphos…. Today we go to the other side of Cyprus to a time share resort that opened up for a few days. We’ll use part of the week with Jim and Sue and then leave it open for another missionary couple to get away and have a romantic weekend. Stay tuned…. J