21 Feb 10

Today we’ve been in Death Valley after spending the night in Boulder City, NV. We snaked our way up to Dante’s Peak to visit mom’s grave where we left her after her suicide in 1991. Her ashes have mixed with the stark, severe beauty of a surreal vista. Dante’s View is a 5500 peak towering over Death Valley. It faces Funeral Ridge, Starvation Gulch, Last Chance Canyon, and Badwater, the lowest point in the United States at 282 ft below sea level. Here mom’s ashes were buried on the 4th of July 1991 in 130 degrees of heat. Today it was brightly sunny and in the 40’s with a snap in the air. The Spirit was blowing both days, but blowing hot and cold. Bethyl and I held hands, each other, and the memories of her ashes. We sang Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be; Moon River, and It is Well with my Soul—in her honor. If I was to give her life a musical title it would be Fantasy in Z-Minor. She was off the scale with her detachment from reality. When she was connected, she was delightfully funny, painting the world hysterically with splotches of primary colors. When she was disconnected she spiraled into loneliness that cut to her quick. Against such pain she medicated more and more, till her life was forfeit.

As I walked the paths of Dante’s Peak I entered the world of that loneliness with her for a bit, and my soul recoiled, shuddered, and wanted out. The whipping of the wind wrenched me back to reality and kept my feet on the path. Thank you, Spirit of the Living God. Greet my mom for me and thank her, and Your own Self, for my life here; let her know I came to this spot to pay my respects to her and honor her memory.  It's a bit more closure on one part of my life as I move to the next.