21 Feb 10

Today we’ve been in Death Valley after spending the night in Boulder City, NV. We snaked our way up to Dante’s Peak to visit mom’s grave where we left her after her suicide in 1991. Her ashes have mixed with the stark, severe beauty of a surreal vista. Dante’s View is a 5500 peak towering over Death Valley. It faces Funeral Ridge, Starvation Gulch, Last Chance Canyon, and Badwater, the lowest point in the United States at 282 ft below sea level. Here mom’s ashes were buried on the 4th of July 1991 in 130 degrees of heat. Today it was brightly sunny and in the 40’s with a snap in the air. The Spirit was blowing both days, but blowing hot and cold. Bethyl and I held hands, each other, and the memories of her ashes. We sang Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be; Moon River, and It is Well with my Soul—in her honor. If I was to give her life a musical title it would be Fantasy in Z-Minor. She was off the scale with her detachment from reality. When she was connected, she was delightfully funny, painting the world hysterically with splotches of primary colors. When she was disconnected she spiraled into loneliness that cut to her quick. Against such pain she medicated more and more, till her life was forfeit.

As I walked the paths of Dante’s Peak I entered the world of that loneliness with her for a bit, and my soul recoiled, shuddered, and wanted out. The whipping of the wind wrenched me back to reality and kept my feet on the path. Thank you, Spirit of the Living God. Greet my mom for me and thank her, and Your own Self, for my life here; let her know I came to this spot to pay my respects to her and honor her memory.  It's a bit more closure on one part of my life as I move to the next.  

10 Feb 10


A wonderful day in the Rockies of learning and stretching. I walked early up in the mountains watching the night sky shade itself into morning with streaks of purple slewing into pink over Mt Hermon. It was good to savour the beginnings of a new day.

Much of the work day was spent shaping my mouth and mind around non-English sounds that slither, growl, hiss, and slide out the side of my mouth--feeling silly and embarrassed that my small group neighbor just got a special spit shower … . I’ve never examined the inside of my mouth with a small mirror so much in my life! Did you know your mouth can articulate over 1 million different vowels? That last bit was free of charge.

Later, this evening, after sitting round a dinner table with “20-somethings”, all single. It was a good time of blessing them with a little caring from “mom and pop” taking the time to listen, bless, encourage. Felt our age, and it felt good. Reminds me of Longfellow’s quartet:

For age is an opportunity no less

Than youth itself though in another dress,

And as the evening twilight fades away

The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.

He's got the Whole World of Languages in His hands

Bethyl and I are just beginning our new Program In Language Acquisition Techniques (PILAT) started this afternoon. A good group of about 27 adults and 17 children. We’ll learn phonetics and pronunciation for sounds outside of the normal 44 sounds we comfortably make in the English language (the “44 box”). Think, listen, speak, and read--outside the box. Lots of homework. Drills. This isn’t a “touchy-feely” enterprise like SPLICE. It’s linguistically oriented, not relationally. The student is in charge of pulling the new language rope into the self; the teacher can’t push the rope up the tree to you. You outsource the learning assistant role to the teacher; you keep ownership of the learning. The group is helpful around you—big and small break-out drill group—but the skill set being learned is about words not people.  tough stuff.

9 Feb 10

Second day of learning here. I’m struggling to get my mouth, tongue, voice box, lips and brain to re-tool in order to learn non-English sounds. I’m learning new phonetic words like: glottal stops, fricatives, explosives, articulated and non-articulated vowels, and so on.

It’s been explained that there are two ways to learn a new language: hard and harder. This is designed to help you learn a new language in the hard way.

PILAT gives you a linguistic platform--above where you are--to jump to another language from your own language. The program focuses on listening a lot first before you speak, then using your whole body to move while you see, speak, point, and in the process make a lot of mistakes.

They say that you have to make a million mistakes to learn a new language so you might as well get some out of the way now. Murder the language before you master it! It’s good and humbling. Thank you, Lord, for this two week chance to be humbled and be educated, both, at the same time.

While Vance is correct about the style, technique and goals of our present learning situation, for me the academic, hard push is pushing me around the block of my own insecurities.  Strange as it may seem, given my academic qualifications, learning and taking in new information isn't easy.  I've been reminded of old learnings such as Mom's old comments "you can't learn that, I didn't" or the fear of passing Jonathan up and that means "leaving him behind."  Not something I ever want to do.  So, I've found mysef leaning into HIS Chest for acquisition of His Goodness, Wisdom, and Power.  I'd love your prayers for me about this.  Thank you.  Bethyl Joy

Hostage Hell to Habitual Holy

January 28 2010


Today was much calmer training than yesterday. Yesterday we did a hostage simulation; today we practiced Sabbath rest. Yikes. Night to day. One day in a box with 11 others, loud gunfire around you, bombs going off, tough choices about who’s to live or die. In the end “the rebels” took me out and shot me and three others in the back of the head. I knew it was make-believe. But with a gun at my head, face planted on the concrete floor, and a loud bang… it felt like hell.   all that made my life flash before me and eternity camp in front of me.

Today we focused on the need to obey the Sabbath commandment. We don’t wake up and say, “gosh, I can’t murder anyone today!? Jeez. And no adultery too?!” We accept it. It’s the old normal. But with the Sabbath, we cheat routinely and think nothing of the flagrant foul.  Sabbath rest involves saying frst a NO and then a YES.   Today most of us fail to say no to usual and customary work--AND we fail to savor the goodness of rest and play (that God knows) we need to refresh our bodies and mind.

It used to be in our grandparents’ day, “the holy Sabbath,” in our parents, “Sunday;” and now, "Finally Friday!" This is the new normal. So today we were encouraged to listen, obey for the safety and sanity of our souls, and rest refreshed one day out of seven. A Jewish prime minister once said, “The Jews haven’t kept the Sabbath; it has kept them.” Can we be kept too?  

The cost of this failure to listen dulls my ability to hear God in the silence--because I have none.   I'm reminded of the saying, "Silence came a long way today to visit with me, but I was otherwise engaged."   Sabbath rest and play come once I habitually say no to work and noise.   In the quiet that follows that "NO" to noise, then I can hear my calling, savour the Saviour, and learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

Battling Busyness

January 25, 2010


The past few days have been chock-a-block. New learning on adjusting to new cultures continues. Life-long learning as an idea is sweet; as a practice it is not—it requires the will to train. The mornings I feel like getting up and going to class, I do; the mornings I don’t feel like getting up and learning, I do anyway. My practice has still been getting up early before dawn and walking in the hills surrounding Missionary Training International here in Palmer Lake, elevation 7,300 ft. Sometimes I’ve walked with another missionary, Gary, who is heading off with his family to Honduras shortly. Sometimes I just walk with Jesus. Today was one of those days. I listened to a podcast on www.speakingoffaith.com, with Jean Vanier, the 82 year old founder of L’Arche, a group of 131 homes for the handicapped in 24 different countries. The topic was “the wisdom of tenderness.” His goal is nothing more than to be the friend of Jesus.

I was struck by Vanier’s focus on the primacy of experience over ideas, body over mind, being before doing, gentleness over forcefulness. He left his culture of the bright and talented for the culture of the marginalized, the weak. Now, at this age, they come to him as he sits writing, stroke his head, and say, “poor old man….” Vanier has mastered the art of being vulnerable. He is willing to stand with Jesus, outside the gates of the busy, and wait patiently for someone to open the door (Rev 3:20).

He remembers the Chinese pictograph of the word busy: one symbol for heart joined with another for death. Today he has been my teacher of a different kind of lesson than my school after the day dawned. Both were good. Thank you, Jesus, for walking with me in the dark and quiet moments of listening and prayer; the light and loud moments of listening and prayer—and all those other moments in between.

Ma & Pa head for Colorado schoolin

January 13, 2010

      Bethyl and I are readying ourselves to head north to Colorado for five weeks at www.mti.org for training in their cross cultural living course, SPLICE, and their linguistic course, PILAT. We’re hoping to learn new skills that will help us wherever the Lord might end up leading. Pray for us that these re-firement career geezers will learn what is needful to do God’s work in His way! Behold our new transportation…. 

Holding Together

It’s been a great day of relaxing. Working out. Walking along rocky beaches with blustery thunder-bumpers spitting rain and whirling it along on gusting winds. Experiencing the joy of God bubbling along in the winds and the Wind within me. Now watching a Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio DVD: “How Great is Our God”…

Consider the Whirlpool galaxy, 31 million light years away, the “Darling Galaxy”, perpendicular to us here on earth. Light year=5.88 Trillion Miles. 300 billion stars in that one galaxy. It is one of hundreds of billions of galaxies in our known universe. www.Hubblesite.org showed us the black hole in this galaxy with the shape of the cross in it.

Consider just four stars for comparison in our own little galaxy: first, our sun. 10,000 degrees F on the surface. 93M miles away. Light takes 8 min to get here from there. One million times the size of our earth: “their starry hosts by the breath of His mouth…” God just breathes out stars. If earth were size of golf ball the sun would be 15 feet in diameter. You could put 960,000 earths inside the sun.

Let’s talk about another star. Betelgeuse. 427 light years away. Twice the size of the earths’ orbit around the sun. If earth were a golf ball, Betelgeuse would be the height of 6 empire state buildings on top of one another. 262 trillion earths inside this star. Enough to fill up the super bowl with golf balls 3,000 times.

Musephei. 3,000 light years away. Hershel’s garnet star. If earth were a golf ball, M would be the width of two golden gate bridges in SF end to end. 2.7 quadrillion earths inside this one star. Quadrillion= one thousand trillion. Million seconds ago=12 days ago. Billion seconds ago=May, 1975. Trillion seconds ago= 29,700 BC. Quadrillion=30,000,800,000 years ago.

Canis Majoris, biggest star we’ve found so far. If earth were golf ball, this star would be the height of Mt Everest. 6 miles above sea level. Highest point on planet. 7 quadrillion earths inside this one star. Cover state of Texas with golf balls 22 inches deep.

A shrinking feeling comes upon one when we consider these brief glances into our neighborhood. Yet even tho we are but a vapor we are marked by majesty and are created in image of a God who breathed out these stars.

We are each incredibly special and marked by uniqueness. 3 billion characters formed your genome out of 4 simple characters. You once were the one cell that formed when half of your mom’s chromosomes and half of your dad’s joined together. 75 trillion cells now make up your body. 50,000 cells die and are replaced every 3 seconds every day and night all the days of your existence. Miraculous. Augustine: “Men go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains, the huge waves of the sea, the long course of rivers, the vast compass of ocean, the circular motion of the stars, but they pass by themselves and don’t even notice….”

The same God who breathed out stars, this same God will hold you in his hand and carry you all the days of your life. Psalm 33 says He will become intimately acquainted with all the circumstances of our lives and carry us and deliver us from death…. He will hold us together. One example of this is the molecule, laminin.

Laminin is the cell-adhesion protein molecule. It is one of the 10,000-16,000 protein molecules in the body; it is the rebar of the human body that holds the membranes together. Under an electron microscopeone can see that it is shaped like the cross of Jesus. One is reminded of Colossians: “by him have all things been created by Jesus and for Jesus and He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Christ….”

Or, from Isaiah 40: “so why do you say oh Jacob, my way is hidden from the Lord? Do you not know, haven’t you heard, the Lord is the everlasting god, the creator of the earth, he will not grow tired or weary. He gives strength to weary, increases power of weak, for even youths will grow tired and weary, young men will stumble, but those who wait upon God… who stand in the middle of their pain… with confidence they will stand in the land of the living.

Those people who wait, I will renew their strength. When you think you can’t take one more breath I will give you enough to keep on growing on, and going on,….. He will keep strength rising, continuing in you so that you will run and not get weary and run and not faint. There are millions of little cell adhesion laminin crosses hold our bodies together and one big Cross connects us to the Father. Bless you, Jesus.